Watching an episode of Red Table Talk (the talk show where Jada Pinkett and her guests discuss hard and important social issues), one of her guests whilst discussing her difficult relationship with her mum said, “My Mum never told me she loved me!”
Jada and her guests gasped in horror! At first, I didn’t understand why or what the big deal was. I would have missed the comment if not for their pure shock horror at her revelation.
As they all began to cry, I watched them, void of emotion.
See the thing is, my mother never told me she loved me! And for some reason, I’d never even thought of it as a thing to note or make a big deal about, not until watching their reaction.
I mean, I know it would have been nice to hear my mum say those words, but I don’t ever remember feeling bad about the fact she didn’t.
"Why didn’t it ever bother me?", I wondered.
Then I thought, Ah! It must be because she didn’t say it to my siblings either, so it’s not like I felt left out. But still this didn’t feel like the reason. I mean, it didn't explain why Jada and her guests were crying and I was numb.
And then it dawned on me.
Not only did I never hear my mother say, "I love you" to me or my siblings (or to anyone for that matter), I never heard any other mother around me or in my wider community ever say those three words to their kids.
I never heard my friends’ mums, neighbours, mums dropping their kids off at school… I just didn’t hear I love you being said to children around me so I guess to me, I was conditioned to not expect it and didn’t know I was missing out on anything.
Until that moment, watching Red Table Talk, I never considered how much more emotionally secure I could have been if my mum told me often that she loved me. I guess if you are conditioned to perceive a thing as normal you come to accept it.
But it doesn’t have to end there…Our model of the world is not the model of the world!
My mum never told me she loved me but I tell my kids I love them all the time and show them in numerous ways!
Whilst I never consciously took notice of the absence of those words in my life, I was fully aware of the emotional void in me as I struggled in relationships.
And, it was my decision to keep growing as a parent, by staying open to learning, that prevented me from repeating the cycle!
If you would like to understand what fears are affecting your parenting, how they are likely to impact your child and what to do about it, book a FREE clarity call with me.
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